What Is Healing, Really?
Healing is one of those words that gets thrown around a lot, but what does it really mean? For many of us, healing isn’t about "fixing" something that’s broken, but about becoming more whole. It’s the process of coming back to yourself, peeling back the layers of conditioning, trauma, and self-doubt that have built up over time. But here’s the catch: healing doesn’t look the same for everyone. What feels like progress to one person might not feel the same for someone else. That’s why it’s important to define what healing means for you. Is it about emotional regulation, feeling safe in your body, or setting boundaries? Maybe it's all of the above, or maybe it's something entirely different.
Healing isn’t linear either. It’s more like a spiral—sometimes you feel like you’re moving forward, only to circle back to old wounds. And that’s okay. Real healing comes with an understanding that it’s a journey, not a destination. So, before diving into the markers of healing, ask yourself: What would feeling whole and healed look like in my life?
Questions to Define Your Own Healing:
What would it feel like to live with more ease and less stress?
How do I know when I’m feeling grounded and at peace?
What does success in my healing journey look like to me (not what others think)?
What parts of myself am I ready to honor, rather than suppress?
Now that you've defined what healing means for you, let’s dive into what progress looks like, how you can assess it, and some key questions to ask yourself along the way:
1. Emotional Regulation: Feeling Your Feelings Without Drowning in Them
One major sign of healing is your ability to feel and navigate emotions without being overwhelmed by them. Before, anger might’ve felt like an explosion or sadness like an endless pit. Now, you can experience these emotions, honor them, and still come back to center.
Indicator: You can name what you’re feeling without spiraling.
Question to Assess: When I’m upset, can I sit with my emotions without reacting impulsively or shutting down?
2. Boundaries: Saying No Without Guilt
If you’ve ever struggled with setting boundaries, you know that "no" can be one of the hardest words to say. Healing shows up in how confidently you can establish boundaries and stick to them—whether it’s with work, family, or even your own inner critic. When you can say "no" without guilt or fear of rejection, that’s a huge marker of growth.
Indicator: You set boundaries that respect your emotional and physical needs.
Question to Assess: Do I feel comfortable saying “no” when something doesn’t align with my energy or values?
3. Inner Self-Dialogue: Treating Yourself with Compassion
A healed or healing person doesn’t constantly tear themselves down. They speak to themselves with kindness, even when things go wrong. Self-compassion becomes second nature. You start catching yourself when old, critical thoughts pop up and you’re able to counter them with kindness.
Indicator: You notice negative self-talk but replace it with self-compassion.
Question to Assess: How do I talk to myself after a mistake? Do I extend the same grace I would to a friend?
4. Triggers: Less Power, More Awareness
Remember when certain people, situations, or memories could send you into a tailspin? When you’re healing, those triggers lose their grip. You start noticing them before they take over, and instead of reacting from a place of old wounds, you respond from a grounded place.
Indicator: You notice triggers without becoming overwhelmed or reactive.
Question to Assess: Can I recognize when I’m triggered and respond thoughtfully instead of reactively?
5. Feeling Safe in Your Body
Healing trauma means coming back to your body—making it a safe place again. If you’ve spent years disconnected from your body due to stress or trauma, feeling grounded within yourself is a huge sign of progress. You can feel your body’s sensations, honor its needs, and use it as a resource for regulation rather than something to escape from.
Indicator: You feel at home in your body and can tune into its cues.
Question to Assess: Am I able to notice my body’s signals (hunger, fatigue, stress) and respond with care?
6. Autonomy and Choice: Living on Your Own Terms
One of the most powerful markers of healing is reclaiming your autonomy. It’s when you stop living according to someone else’s expectations and start making decisions that align with your values and desires. You trust yourself, you give yourself permission to choose differently, and you move away from people-pleasing or fawning behavior.
Indicator: You make choices based on what feels right for you, not out of obligation or fear.
Question to Assess: Am I making decisions that reflect my values and desires, or am I trying to meet others' expectations?
7. Resilience: Bouncing Back from Setbacks
Healing doesn’t mean you never struggle again, but it does mean that when life throws you a curveball, you can bounce back. You’ve built a toolkit that helps you navigate tough times—whether it’s through grounding, reaching out for support, or tapping into your inner resources.
Indicator: You recover from stress or setbacks more quickly and effectively.
Question to Assess: When I face challenges, how quickly can I return to a place of balance? Do I have healthy coping strategies?
Final Reflection Questions
As you reflect on these markers of healing, here are a few broader questions to assess where you are in your journey:
How do I handle stress now compared to how I did a year ago?
Am I able to accept myself, flaws and all, with more compassion?
Can I approach difficult emotions and experiences without feeling overwhelmed?
Do I feel more in control of my choices and reactions?
How do I nurture and support myself when life gets hard?
Healing doesn’t mean perfection or an end to struggles. It’s about knowing how to apply what you know in order to meet yourself where you are, with more resilience, compassion and self-awareness. Take a moment to celebrate how far you’ve come—because healing is painful, but it’s also deeply rewarding. The healing pain isn’t the same as the pain of what happened to you—it’s the ache of exposing old wounds to the light, letting them breathe, and giving them the medicine they need to heal, even if it stings at first. Learning to recognize the difference is key, because one keeps you stuck, and the other sets you free. And at my practice, Sacred Spaces, my hope is that we can continue to offer compassionate guidance and the safe therapeutic relationship you need to explore your healing journey, gently providing the medicine that helps your wounds heal in their own time. When you're ready to lean into the kind of healing that transforms, we’re here to walk alongside you, as beings of care, every step of the way.
References
Greenberg, L. S. (2002). Emotion-focused therapy: Coaching clients to work through their feelings.American Psychological Association.
Linehan, M. M. (1993). Cognitive-behavioral treatment of borderline personality disorder. The Guilford Press.
Neff, K. D. (2003). The development and validation of a scale to measure self-compassion. Self and Identity, 2(3), 223-250.
Van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma.Penguin Books.
Ogden, P., Minton, K., & Pain, C. (2006). Trauma and the body: A sensorimotor approach to psychotherapy.Norton & Company.
Siegel, D. J. (2010). The mindful therapist: A clinician's guide to mindsight and neural integration. W.W. Norton & Company.
Schwartz, R. C. (2020). Internal family systems therapy (2nd ed.). The Guilford Press.
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