Emotional containment is a concept that talks about the ability to hold difficult emotions without getting "attacked", overwhelmed or flooded by them.
Here are tips to build this skill:
1. Locate the feeling in your body.
You can do a quick body scan and as soon as you are able to find the feeling, it can be helpful to put your hand wherever you feel its intensity. This connects the feeling to your body and grounds you.
2. Label the feeling and let the feeling express itself.
Ask this feeling to express itself through whatever mode it prefers: it can tell you directly, write, paint, cry, etc. If the intensity ramps up, ask this part who is giving you the feeling to take a step back and turn down the volume. Ask clarifying questions to yourself if the emotional signal is unclear, like "What do you think your sadness is connected to? or "Is the feelings connected to something in the past or present?" or "Does it feel like shame or more like guilt?" or "Is there a sense of what you might need in order to alleviate this discomfort?".
3. Acknowledge that whatever is coming up makes sense.
Our feelings are tied to specific unmet needs and yearnings that are always valid. Let this part of you express whatever it is feeling because it’s the only way it stops taking over. Continue to name and validate the part's emotional experience. Part of why the emotion doesn’t go away or it becomes intrusive is because the part doesn’t feel like its emotion is justified, that’s its okay to miss someone and not want them back. Let the part know that we’re just going to be angry or sad at this specific thing…for however long it takes. Let it know its pain is justified, it doesn’t have to pull in other things to justify how it feels.
4. Contain the Emotion.
When we have a part of us that is in pain, we have to be careful and firm to contain it. If there is a part of you that is sad, make sure it doesn’t generalize this sadness to other aspects in your life. Feel that part of you in your body and tell the part "this emotion is tied to this specific thing…this is why you’re feeling like this." You can also visualize a container around the emotion and continue to simply observe it without trying to fix or change it. Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor found that emotions naturally peak and subside over a span of 90 seconds when we observe them without judgement.
5. Have good community around you who can empathize with your experience.
Protect yourself by only sharing these difficult aspects of your experience to safe people in your life to minimize further pain or retraumatization. Lastly, seek therapy for those aspects of your experience that are harder to share, contain or make sense of. You are doing your best and you do not have to go at this alone.
By simply being with and witnessing your difficult emotions, you are increasing your ability to tolerate these emotions while being compassionate to the parts of you that are still struggling. I invite you to consider this posture of openness and grace towards your emotions every time you find yourself wanting to judge, fix or dismiss your experience. Your body is sentient and your feelings are valid and you deserve the same gentleness and love that you offer to those around you.
If you're struggling to be with your emotions or just need someone to hold space for you, meet with us at https://sacredspaces.teletherapy.io.
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