Learning from Death: How to Love & Let Go

We don’t often talk about death

Until it knocks on our door,

Until it's standing in front of us,

Holding our gaze.

And when it does,

everything changes...

My family and I recently said goodbye to our sweet Samson, our fur baby. First, we held his living body—warm, breathing, alive. Now, we hold his ashes, small, impossibly light yet so unbearably heavy in meaning. There’s no way I could have prepared for the moment of his transition and the loss thereafter. And yet, in some strange, cosmic sense, everything I was already doing was preparing me for this. Every moment of connection, every pause to hold him close, every silly moment we shared—they all feel like breadcrumbs now, scattered along the path to this moment. We were his stewards, the keepers of his body and spirit. And now, He belongs to creation—to the Earth, the stars, to the great web of being.

Death visited our family and, in its way, left a gift. Samson’s death has been one of my greatest teachers. Losing him has broken me open, but it’s also shown me how to love, how to live, and how to carry forward what matters most. This is where death’s lessons begin—not as a thief in the night, but as a teacher, as a mirror that reflects both the fragility and the beauty of life. Today, I want to share what death has taught me—not as answers, but as reflections. May these lessons help you prepare, cope, and transform in the presence of death.

Lessons Death Teaches

Death, while devastating, is also a profound teacher. Samson’s passing has reminded me of death’s quiet wisdom. It whispers: “This moment is all you have. Don’t waste it.” Death comes with life and in her embrace, life reveals its purest essence—Connection, Presence, Love.

Nature models this truth for us over and over. The seasons show us how life sheds what is no longer needed, how stillness carries hidden potential, and how rebirth always follows loss. Our loved ones' life and death are all part of that cycle. They gave everything they had to this world, and now they are part of something greater. Here are a few truths Death has taught me, take what resonates for you and leave the rest:

1. Death Facilitates a Change in Form and Transformation

Death has taught me that Samson is not truly gone; he has simply changed form. As stewards of his life, we gave him a body to call home for a while, and now that body has returned to the Earth. His essence lingers, a vibrant thread in the tapestry of existence.

Energy, after all, cannot be destroyed. It can only shift and transform. Your loved one's essence—their signature and presence—is woven into every memory, every space they touched. Their love radiates in our hearts and their lessons etched into the patterns of our days. Their form changes, but the energy remains.

2. Impermanence Gives Life Meaning

Nothing lasts forever, and that’s what makes it beautiful. Embracing impermanence allows us to savour every fleeting moment.

3. Love is Eternal

Death cannot end love. The bond you shared doesn’t vanish—it takes a new form, woven into your spirit and carried forward in the way you live.

4. Grief and Joy Can Coexist

It’s okay to smile when you think of them, to feel the warmth of their memory alongside the ache of their absence. You don’t have to choose between grieving and living. Joy and sorrow are two sides of the same coin, each making the other more profound. It's safe to laugh, to dance, to find beauty again, even while holding the ache of loss. Grieving doesn’t mean you stop living, and living doesn’t mean you stop grieving. Joy and sorrow can sit side by side, each enriching each ther.

Preparing for Death While Fully Living

Our brains often avoid thinking about death because it feels too overwhelming or final. But in truth, preparing for death is one of the most life-affirming things we can do. It forces us to face the truth: our time is limited. Instead of fearing it, we can allow this truth to deepen the way we live. It invites us to live in the present fully and intentionally, appreciating the moments we have. Preparing for death isn’t about giving up hope—it’s about entering into life more fully. Here are some ways to engage with the reality of death while strengthening your connection to life:

1. Cultivate Presence

Death reminds us that this moment—right here, right now—is all we truly have. Practice slowing down. Notice the little things: the warmth of your loved one’s hand, the sound of their laughter, the way the light hits their face. These ordinary moments are sacred.

2. Reflect on Your Legacy

What do you want to leave behind? How do you want to be remembered? These questions aren’t morbid—they’re clarifying. They can help you live in alignment with your values and focus on what truly matters (Yalom, 2008).

3. Create a Death Plan

Talk to your loved ones about your wishes for end-of-life care, funerals, or memorials. Write a will, create an advance directive, and share your desires. These steps provide clarity and peace of mind for both you and those you love (The Conversation Project, 2023).

4. Connect with Nature’s Cycles

Observe the seasons. Watch how autumn teaches us to release, winter teaches us to rest, and spring shows us rebirth.

Death is part of life’s rhythm—not a thief, but a keeper of balance.

Practical Tools for Engaging with Death

Whether you’re preparing for death, navigating grief or reflecting on your own mortality, here are some tools can help:

1. Start the Conversation

Talking about death doesn’t summon it—it prepares us. Share your thoughts and fears with someone you trust. Discuss your wishes for end-of-life care and how you want to be remembered. Invite them to share theirs if needed.

2. Build Daily Rituals

Rituals don’t have to wait for death. Light a gratitude candle, take mindful walks, or say a small prayer for your loved ones. These acts help you stay connected to the present and honor what matters.

3. Honor What Matters

Regularly ask yourself: What truly matters? Focus your energy on those things and let go of what no longer serves you.

4. Explore Your Beliefs

Reflect on your spiritual or philosophical understanding of death. Whether you see it as a doorway, a return to Source/Creator, or the end of physical existence, exploring your beliefs can provide clarity and comfort.

Grief as a Portal: Living with Loss and Integrating It

When death comes for someone—or something—you love, it can feel like the world has shattered. With that comes Grief. Grief has carved its way through me like a river carving stone. It feels bottomless, and yet, within that aching void, I’ve found something profound: a portal. My brain experiences this void as danger but my heart knows that space Samson left will never be filled, nor do I want it to be. That space is sacred. It holds his memory, his love, and the transformation his loss has catalyzed in me. I am changed because of him—softer, more present, more attuned to the fragility of this beautiful life. Grief has opened my heart in a way nothing else could. It shows me proof of my capacity for unconditional love I feel. Grief reminds me that the pain I feel is evidence of how deeply I love.

Grief's sacred energy is intense, yet it's not something to fix or push away but to honor and move through. Samson’s death has taught me to sit in the discomfort, to let the waves of sadness wash over me, and to find the gifts of love and joy hidden within the hurt. Grief is raw, messy, and disorienting, but if you go through the portal fully, it’s also a doorway to transformation. If you are walking through loss, here are some ways to care for yourself in a way that honours both your pain and your love:

1. Care for Your Physical Body

Grief doesn’t just reside in the heart; it profoundly affects the brain and body. Research shows that grief activates the same brain regions as physical pain, such as the anterior cingulate cortex, and can dysregulate the hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal (HPA) axis, increasing cortisol levels and causing fatigue, immune suppression, and even chronic inflammation (O’Connor, 2012). Rest when you need to and fuel yourself with nourishing foods. Support your system through low-demand grounding practices like deep breathing or gentle movement . Let the tears and trembles come—your body knows what to do and they’re part of the healing.

2. Feel Your Feelings Fully

Grief demands to be felt. Let yourself cry, rage, or collapse. These emotions are not weaknesses—they’re how love continues to flow, even when the object of that love is no longer physically present (Van der Kolk, 2014) You owe it to yourself to feel it fully. The ache, the tears, the emptiness—they are all expressions of your deep love.

3. Lean on Rituals of Remembrance

Rituals create a container for grief and give grief structure. Light a candle for them, speak their name, write a letter, or tend to living things (like planting a tree or volunteering at a shelter) in their honour. These acts help us process loss and keep their presence alive in new forms.

4. Connect to their Energy

Use mindfulness and your physical sensations of love for them as an anchor. You might be pleasantly surprised to find their presence in new ways, in unexpected places. You might feel them in the rustling leaves, the warmth of the sun, or the way something in your world suddenly reminds you of them in a moment of stillness. Talk to them, if it helps. These moments attune us to their new form and remind us that love transcends form.

5. Channel the Transformation:

Ask yourself, “What did they teach me? How can I live in a way that honors their legacy?”

Let their love continue to guide you.

6. Lean Into Community

Grief is not meant to be carried alone. Share your feelings with trusted friends, join a support group, or work with a therapist. Grief, like love, thrives in connection. Allow others to witness and hold your pain with you (Neimeyer, 2016).

A Gentle Note from Death

If Death could speak, I imagine it might say:

"I am not here to take or destroy. I am the threshold, the guide who holds open the door. Your loved one is not lost—they are transformed and have returned to the great web of being. Their energy surrounds you now, closer than your own breath. Their love is still here, in the air you breathe, the memories you hold, and the person you’re becoming. Live boldly, love deeply, and carry their light forward. When your time comes, I will cradle you gently, just as I did them...”

Closing Reflection

Samson’s death has taught me that life isn’t about avoiding loss—it’s about breathing through the waves of grief and embracing the depth of love and connection that makes loss so painful. Grief, though heavy, is proof of how deeply we’ve lived and loved. Death reminds me that love never truly ends. It changes, it grows, it transforms—but it is eternal.

When the ache feels unbearable, I remind myself of this: Samson is not gone. He is here, in the quiet moments, the shifting light, in the love that still flows between us. And so are your loved ones. They are not gone—only changed and will forever be part of you. And You, Dear One are not alone in this journey of life and death, love and transformation. Be gentle with yourself as you move forward. May you find ways to honour the ones you’ve lost and to live more fully in their memory.

May we all have the courage to heed Death's invitation: to witness it all fully and hold life’s fleeting beauty with both hands.

Blessed be.

References and Resources

• O’Connor, M.-F. (2012). Grief: A Brief History of Research on How Body, Mind, and Brain Respond to Loss. Psychological Science Agenda. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/science/about/psa/2012/11/grief

• Neimeyer, R. A. (2016). Techniques of Grief Therapy: Creative Practices for Counseling the Bereaved. Routledge.

• The Conversation Project. (2023). Starter Kits for Talking About End-of-Life Care. Retrieved from theconversationproject.org

• Van der Kolk, B. (2014). The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma. Penguin.

• Yalom, I. (2008). Staring at the Sun: Overcoming the Terror of Death. Jossey-Bass.