I've carried this inside me for as long as I can remember:
This sticky black tar of old, mangled emotions that feel so inherently tied up with the core of my being that it hurts to imagine what life would be like separate from them. I've also seen this metaphor show up in the language of my clients; it's almost like a shared experience that we encounter when we get close enough to the darkness inside of us.
As human beings, we all experience emotions - both positive and negative. When we encounter a particularly intense or painful experience, it can leave an imprint on our body and psyche, going deeper than just our thoughts and feelings. Trauma can cause physical sensations in the body, with some individuals describing a feeling of "sticky black tar" in their bodies that holds onto the pain and trauma they've experienced. For some, this can lead to the somatic felt sense of heaviness in certain parts of the body like in the stomach or chest area. For others, this can lead to a lack of sensation because the discomfort of the heaviness causes us to "numb out" or dissociate from certain aspects of our experience. Whether you're consciously connected to the sludge or disconnected from it, it takes internal and external resources to manage it every day and this can lead to feelings of low-grade exhaustion, depression or even anxiety.
The imagery of the sticky black tar can be useful in understanding the impact that trauma can have on our physical and emotional wellbeing. There are many reasons why it can feel painful to let go of this sticky black tar no matter how uncomfortable. When we've been burdened for so long, it can be painful and scary to even imagine life without this suffering. It's almost as if we are trauma-bonded to our own suffering and the stories we tell ourselves that keep the trauma alive inside of us long after we've survived it.
However, there will come a point when the pain of remaining comfortable becomes too intense and this can prompt us to want to work through or process our suffering. Processing emotions thus becomes an essential component of healing from trauma. It is important to acknowledge and allow ourselves to feel the full range of emotions that come up in response to our experiences. This can be a painful and difficult process, but it is essential for releasing the "sticky black tar" that is holding onto our pain and trauma.
Part of processing emotions is also learning to regulate our emotions. This involves developing the ability to recognize and manage our emotional responses in a healthy way. Sometimes releasing the sticky black tar can be dysregulating, triggering the flight-flight-freeze-fawn response. This can be particularly challenging for individuals who have experienced trauma, as their emotional responses may be heightened or unpredictable. It becomes imperative to work with a trauma-informed mental health professional who can help hold space and titrate the emotional experience for you so that you can retain the shifts that occur without the experience pushing you out of your window of tolerance. As an adjunct to somatic, trauma-informed therapy, we can utilize techniques such as mindfulness, meditation, breath-work and grounding techniques to connect with our emotions and process them in a healthy way. This allows the free flow of emotions instead of our body needing to store them, reducing the build up of stuck emotions and creating space to release older emotions.
While the process of healing trauma memories can be difficult and painful, it is vital for healing from trauma. By acknowledging and allowing ourselves to feel our emotions, we can release the "sticky black tar" that is holding onto our pain and trauma. We can also help our system slowly let go of those old narratives that keep us stuck and as it feels safe enough, we can begin to step into new ways of being that align more with where we are now. It is important to remember that you need to feel in charge of this process, no matter how competent your therapist or helper is; if someone is rushing you or "forcing" you to "push past" discomfort, that is unethical and detrimental to healing. You deserve to have someone respect your pace and your consent, which is always an on-going process. It is also helpful to remember that healing is a journey, and that everyone's path to recovery is different.
If you would like to see how it feels to work with a trauma-informed therapist, book a free consult with us today at https://sacredspaces.teletherapy.io .
References:
Van Der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Penguin Books.
Ogden, P., Minton, K., & Pain, C. (2006). Trauma and the body: A sensorimotor approach to psychotherapy. W. W. Norton & Company.
Siegel, D. J. (2012). The developing mind: How relationships and the brain interact to shape who we are. Guilford Press.
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